I’m a mother and a grandmother, no longer a daughter. I miss not being a daughter very much.
My mother’s unconditional love was unrelenting. No matter what I did, I was perfect. She saw me with the sweetest, kindest eyes. I was the daughter she wanted; the daughter she raised; the daughter she loved. She was my mother, perfect in so many ways, and imperfect as well. I was the same, sweet at times, argumentative when needed. We were mother and daughter accepting each other as we were and enjoying our having each other.
I recently read “7 Types of Mother-Daughter Relationships and How Each of Them Influences the Daughter’s Life.” (brightside.me) Yes, we are definitely affected by how our mother perceives us, behaves towards us, expects from us. After all, mothers are the closest and most important mentors daughters have throughout their lives. Most of us hope to become mothers one day and imitate our growing up experiences. Our self-image, dreams, realities, are to a degree a reflection of our mother. I see this trait now in my daughter and my granddaughters. I love it, accept it, and enjoy it!
Mothers may relate to their daughters as sisters, best friends, strangers, or cheerleaders. Some may dismiss their daughters fully and reject their accomplishments. Others may even become authoritarian rulers disallowing any freedom of personal and social expression. Sadly a few may show signs of narcissistic personality traits where they are the one and only person of interest.
In my opinion the best way to be a mother and raise our daughters is to combine most of the behavioral attitudes expressed above. We may want to be our daughters’ sisters and best friends, and at times we should. By empathizing with their emotional levels we can better understand their feelings and attitudes and earn their trust. Frequently, we should become our daughters’ best cheerleaders and re-enforce their self esteem. Why not, our daughters are great to begin with.
Never should we dismiss our daughters or negatively reject their accomplishments. There are many positive ways of explaining why things are wrong and shouldn’t be. A total rejection is emotionally destructive. Being authoritarian and a bit selfish is not totally bad, as long as the cause and effects are explained. Discipline is very important when raising a child. We have as adults lived longer than our child and, hopefully, have attained wisdom throughout our years.
As our dear daughters grow up and become women, mothers themselves, it is very important we “let go.” Our daughters must now live their own experiences as a mother and we should only watch with pride.
None of us acquired a studied education on motherhood. It’s all instinct, love, devotion, and dedication. Mother’s Day … a well-deserved honorable mention. Here is to you, all my dear mothers, with great respect and admiration.
Happy Mother’s Day to all!